Dystopia is far from ordinary

TREE
The ordinary is always shortlived in dystopia. The scene that begins as plain becomes extraordinary, intriguing and suspensful with a dynamic flow: Lenore notices the butcher chopping, the smock smeared with blood, and, meanwhile, conversation revolves around the weather, the order of meat, the cost, the mundane idle chatter that is polite and plain but masks a bigger issue, a darker more sinister reality such as Lenore being held captive and silenced by her Sire, Adam. It is the trigger– the butcher chopping, slapping flipping the bloody meat onto its side, that elicits a repressed thought to emerge. And when it does, there is no turning back. An ordinary trip to the butcher on a Thursday to pick up an order of meat goes awry.

Alliteration grips me

Another set of eyes is invaluable. My sister, the writing guru, recipient of a few prestigious short story awards, Grace Paley being just one of them, who is also my reader, pointed out too much alliteration at the end of my latest work. Overdone? How much is too much? In my story “Peter” I decided it was not just for style but a subversive twist on an innocent limerick/tongue twister enjoyed by Mother and son. I won’t say anymore. When I wrote it, no, I did not know it. Maybe it was my subconscious at work. Well, that’s not always an infallible tool. Editors might like it, or trip over it (like my sister). So I sought my oracle aka Google, and I found differing viewpoints about using alliteration and then I found this this: “It works well for advertising because Picky people pick Peter Pan peanut butter it’s the peanut butter picky people pick.” That sums it up for me. I’ll definitely revisit my second to last paragraph. Otherwise, “Peter” is ready to go.